Ahem, greetings my dear customers! I am Dr. Pierre LaGrange, a mad scientist hailing from the swamps of Florida. I have come to present to you a most extraordinary invention – Gras Dies!
What are Gras Dies, you ask? Well, my dear friends, it is a product that will transport you back in time to the most pivotal moments of French history from 1874 to 1914. With Gras Dies, you will be able to experience the grandeur and glamour of the Belle Epoque, witness the rise of the Eiffel Tower, and even attend the coronation of King Edward VII!
But how do Gras Dies work, you may wonder? My dear customers, let me tell you, Gras Dies are not your ordinary time-travel device. They are a potion made from a secret formula that I have concocted after years of research and experimentation. The ingredients include tool steel, extracts from rare French herbs, a pinch of time dust from the future, and a dash of my own sweat (for added potency, you understand).
To use Gras Dies, all you have to do is drink a small vial of the potion and voila! You will be transported to the past, ready to relive the most exciting moments of French history. But beware, my dear customers, Gras Dies are not for the faint of heart. The journey back in time can be quite exhilarating, and there may be side effects such as temporary amnesia and déjà vu. But I assure you, it is all worth it for the experience of a lifetime!
Be sure your Gras is in good working order before loading for it. After all, they are all certifiably old as shit.